My Story
Listening and understanding are two separate processes. We can listen to people, to music, to a conversation. However, truly understanding the message communicated requires a higher mental process. Receiving a message is the easy part. Analyzing the message and understanding the sender’s desired meaning is a fool’s errand. To properly understand our interlocutor, we need the appropriate context for the message. Finally, we must develop conclusions as if we were in the mind of the sender.
We all have been there. A friend has said something; we heard the message. Perhaps it was an invitation to a phone call next Friday at 5 p.m. Did they mean the Friday at the end of this week? Or the week after? We also forgot to clarify if it was my Eastern time of 5 p.m. or their local 5 p.m. Are they two hours behind me now? We need details and clarifications. The closer two people are, the easier it is supposed to be to understand each other. I would dare to say that the more two communicators can relate in context, the fewer details they need to provide.
During my lifetime, I have experienced diverse communication settings. I grew up in Mexico and studied at Jesuit middle and high schools. I moved to a different city inside Mexico to attend a college with an industrial and entrepreneur mindset, the complete opposite of my humanistic Jesuit education. I worked for an international company based in India with a vastly different culture than mine. I moved to the United States to work for a financial institution. All these different situations, contexts, and narratives makes a person wonder how humans can effectively communicate.
I find that each person lives in a different world. Different cultures assign different meanings to the same words. Even when a language is shared, the differences in expression can create devastating misunderstandings.
During my professional years I have found that understanding others is key to proper communication. It may seem obvious at first--understanding your intended audience; however, nothing is harder in real life. Anyone can give orders; however, it takes someone truly exceptional to convince others to cooperate for a greater good. Anyone can write down numbers on a spreadsheet; however, it takes someone truly exceptional to commit to a project timeline within a budget and with the team’s cooperation. Sharing a context, either situational or cultural, can help with communications and understanding. Not everybody has the luxury, or sometimes the privilege, to share a cultural or situational context.
During my professional years I have found that understanding others is harder than anything else you try. Each person has a story; every person has a background. We are all the stars in our own story and sometimes, without knowing, the villain in somebody else’s.
During my tenure with Tata Consultancy Services, based in India, I was lucky enough to move to the United States. During this transition, I came to work with people from all over the world. My boss, who was from Uruguay, was a Spanish native speaker. We shared a language but not the meaning of the words and phrases. We shared my newly acquired “Latino” labeled, imposed by the American culture; however, our entire cultural background was completely different: work ethics, office hours expectations, office etiquette, even lunch time schedule. My coworkers were American, Indian, Argentinian, European, Colombian, Cuban. Then add in different time zones with a mix of socio-economical backgrounds. Hosting meetings with a variety of people who speak with a variety of accents, who each have different expectations and different goals in both private and professional life, is a daunting endeavor for a 20 something.
Realizing limitations opened my mind about ways to close this gap. Communication seemed the perfect area to dive into; leadership was a bonus. Gonzaga was my first choice because of my Jesuit education background. After not a lot of deliberation between my wife and me, I decided to enroll in the COML program.
During my time at Gonzaga, I have acquired different new abilities and capabilities. The first introductory course opened my mind to different communication theories that I didn’t know existed. Reading the ideas of rhetoric, standpoint theory, cognitive dissonance, and many others helped me increase my understanding of human actions and reactions. With this new knowledge, I am beginning to understand marketing campaigns, profiling and where it comes from, and our tendency only to read writing that agrees with our points of view.
Understanding others is my new goal. I want to learn to effectively communicate my thoughts and ideas, as well as receive other’s ideas with an open mind, understanding where they come from, what their intention is, and the problem they are trying to solve. I used to think the only way to understand each other was to read minds.
Regards
Bernabe